MANAGEMENT MANTRA – CORPORATE JARGON
Expertise in the use of management jargon is essential if you want to impress an audience. The aim of most of the corporate jargon is to confuse your adversary and to show your superiors how clever and up-to-date you are. The management spokesman who waffles on confidently about inspirational dissatisfaction, occupational cross-cultural ambience, and qualitative – quantitative interfacing will always be listened to with respect. He knows something the others don’t . Occasionally someone may demand an explanation, but the usual response is let it pass (no one wants to display ignorance) or to nod in confirmation, which gives the impression that they, too, are familiar with the latest jargon.
A careful study of business magazines should keep you informed of the currently fashionable buzz-words. The basic principle is never to use a simple word or phrase if you can find a complex one. A garden, for example should always be called a “recreational eco unit” which makes a spade a “manually operated recreational eco unit maintenance tool “. Once you have mastered the art, you should be able to stun your colleagues into awed silence. For example, see this statement. “If the systemised multi-phased imputation conflicts with the subordinated motivational framework, it may be advisable to utilise the restructured tactical procedure”. It takes great courage to challenge that kind of statement. You can easily make your own jargon. Take any word from the first column of the list given below, combine it with any from the second column, then add any in the third column :
Total Organisational Flexibility
Business Process Options
Combined Focussed Mobility
Functional Quality Programming
Operational Logical Concept
Modified Transitional Management
Re-engineered Executive Decisions
Integrated Motivational Issues
Balanced Quantitative Framework
TAILPIECE
” The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public . “
– Gummidge’s Law
– From the Desk of Dean, FIET , 16 Sep 1996